When you were growing up, were you allowed to make mistakes? Or were you afraid of failure? If you were raised in an atmosphere where mistakes were equated with failing, chances are you still struggle with accepting responsibility for your actions. This week’s challenge will help you address issues related to accountability.

This is part four of a five-part series on common behaviors that get you stuck. If you’re just joining in, here’s what you’ve missed:

1. The foundation of dysfunction: Lack of trust​
2. The fear of conflict caused by feeling unsafe
3. The isolation that occurs when you lack commitment​

Accountability isn’t about blame

If you spend any time around young children, you’ve probably witnessed one blaming their behavior on someone else. My child had an imaginary friend who was ‘guilty’ of doing things that might get them in trouble.

They didn’t lie maliciously. Their excuses were driven by a fear of punishment. They knew right from wrong. But they didn’t know what the cost of transgressing rules was. So they lied to protect themselves: “That wasn’t me, that was Katie, she’s a very bad girl.”

One day, I told my kid, “Whether you did it or Katie did it, you’re the one who will be held responsible.”

From then on, my child was honest about what they did. I reinforced the value of honesty and accountability by modulating my response.

For example, I resisted the urge to rush to punish them. First, we would discuss the ‘why’ behind their actions and the (often unintended) consequences that created a mess or problem someone else had to clean up. Then, we discussed other choices that could have been made, what was learned, and how to move forward.

As a parent, I made a conscious choice to create a safe space for my child to experiment and learn. But few of us were lucky enough to have the same.

If you were beaten or shamed for making mistakes as a child, you might still carry guilt and shame that complicate taking accountability for your grown-up actions.

Accountability isn’t about guilt or shame

Sometimes a simple mindset shift can help rewire the brain’s learned judgments. For example, can you give yourself grace when something doesn’t go as planned? Consider this: you didn’t fail if you learned something. If you look for the learning, then risk-taking becomes a whole lot less scary. And when there’s no fear of failure, innovation, creativity, and growth flourish.

There shouldn’t be any guilt or shame attached to trying something that doesn’t work. When we accept the lesson and act differently or try something new, it gives us a clearer picture of how to achieve what we want. And when we can discuss accountability honestly, our lessons can help others avoid the same mistakes.

Once we can take accountability without guilt or shame, we can extend this grace to our loved ones, co-workers, and others in our sphere. Fostering this culture of experimentation in our homes and workplaces creates a sense of safety and risk-taking that sparks innovation and growth.

Growth requires radical honesty

Continuous improvement relies on identifying areas for improvement. If we can’t be honest about making mistakes or choices that have unintended repercussions, then we obscure what’s wrong. That makes it impossible to correctly identify what needs to change.

If, however, we can own up to what isn’t working, we can begin to identify solutions that will improve the situation. So, here’s a challenge to help you practice accountability.

Challenge: Practice accountability

1. Practice thinking of your actions as experiments. When something doesn’t go as planned, acknowledge what didn’t work and resolve to try something different.
2. Before doing something that might affect someone else, explain what you’re thinking of doing and get their feedback before taking action.
3. If you feel stuck, use a Five Whys and Five Hows exercise to uncover the root cause and identify actions to reverse the situation.
4. When you do something that affects someone else, be honest about it. Practice explaining why you’ve done it without making excuses.
5. If you lead teams, take accountability for their actions as their leader and discuss how to take corrective action with them, rather than blaming or shaming them for mistakes.

Let me know how it goes! Share your thoughts and experiences by adding a comment below or tagging @trulykristi on social channels. 🙂